How Does Conversion Work and How Should We Treat Potential Converts?

How does a person convert to Orthodox Judaism and how should we treat people in our community who wish to convert to Judaism? To what extent should we welcome them/discourage them? 

These are not easy questions and I don't believe that there is only one way to address them. However, I do understand that they are questions that members in our community talk about and would like direction on. First and foremost, we should treat every human being with total respect and kindness as each person whether they choose to convert to Judaism or not are created in God's image and we are morally obligated to treat them with sensitivity and kindness. 

To what extent should we welcome people in to our community who wish to convert? That is a hard one to answer. We have a tradition of discouraging potential converts at the early stages. We need to point out to them (not that it isn't obvious) that being Jewish isn't easy. Apart from the myriad of laws to keep, throughout history Antisemitism has been the hardest thing for us Jews to live with. Whether that Antisemitism is openly displayed or whether it is done in a more veiled manner. 

Secondly, we should try and turn them down when they show a desire or interest in conversion. My style has always been to be polite but at the same time not too engaging until the individual, couple or family has proven themselves that they are in this for the long haul. Once that has been established I will decide whether I will take on a candidate for sponsoring. I will do thorough background checks on individuals as it is important to know who you are about to invest so much time in to. Then I will review with them just how difficult it is to convert and how much will be expected of them. Converting to Judaism is not just passing a few courses in college, rather it is a complete transformation of the individual which requires great dedication and commitment. 

When I have accepted candidates, I will invite them to my house for Shabbat meals. Once I have decided that they are ready, I ask a few other community members to invite them for Shabbat meals. When I get a sense that a candidate is ready, I will bring them to the Vaad for the first time. Being ready is a loose term but basically the fundamental prerequisites would be living in the community, keeping Shabbat (while breaking Shabbat once) and keeping kosher. Then the Rabbis will ask questions of the candidate. If they are satisfied the candidate will be accepted as an official candidate of the Vaad. 

Once a candidate is accepted by the Vaad, the candidates can send their children to the Jewish schools, at that stage I will let the hospitality committee know that such candidates can be invited by the broader community for Shabbat and Yom Tov meals.

I remember last Pesach, being surprised when I was trying to organize meals for people in the conversion program that certain families would not entertain such candidates because they had not converted yet. The families were referring to a halacha that only Jews can be invited for Yom Tov meals. While it is true that a convert only becomes halachically Jewish at the end of the process, they require firsthand knowledge of Jewish practice. One cannot read about a Seder rather one must experience it to know what it really feels like. This position is supported by many Rabbis today, although it should be noted that other Rabbis hold a more strict application of the halakha. 

I noted above that a potential convert is not allowed to keep Shabbat 100%. They must break Shabbat once. That is because Shabbat is a special mitzvah just for the Jewish People. It is a special sign between God and us. However, since candidates will one day keep Shabbat fully, we do not wish them to be accustomed to breaking Shabbat many times. So they do something to break Shabbat just once. In the case where Shabbat needs to broken and there is a potential candidate available, they can be asked to assist. However, we cannot and must not treat potential gerim as non-Jews who are there to be Shabbat Goyim. Known colloquially as a Shabbas goy. If one knows that they need assistance on Shabbat to do prohibited work, they must make arrangements before Shabbat with a non-Jew and not someone who is in the process of converting.

There are many books and subjects that a potential convert needs to study. They need to know the fundamentals of keeping a kosher home, the laws of Shabbat and Yom Tov, Family purity laws, knowledge of the Holidays and a degree of fluency of Hebrew reading. However, as I have said earlier, it isn't just about passing courses. There needs to be understanding of the sponsoring rabbi and the other Rabbis of the Vaad that such a candidate is ready. As such conversion times vary from case to case. But roughly it should take around two years for most candidates to complete an Orthodox conversion.

Looking to Shavuot

Shavuot is the holiday where we celebrate Hashem giving us the Torah at Mount Sinai over 3300 years ago. One would surmise that this would make for a remarkable holiday. But it is noted more by its absence of any unique mitzvot than by anything active. There is no matza, no lulav, no frantic cleaning beforehand and no building of a sukah. Although we do have is a series of customs that have developed over the years, Shavuot is unfortunately the forgotten holiday.

Most people, when asked about Shavuot, will give one of three answers. Dairy food, staying up late, or 'did I miss that holiday?' Rabbi Jonathan Sacks wrote a very thought provoking article recently where he touched upon Jewish continuity and identity.

“Throughout a century of reflection on how to sustain Jewish identity in an open, secular society, the case has often been made that we need to make Judaism easier. Why make the barriers so high, the demands so steep, the laws so rigorous and demanding? So, one by one, the demands were lowered. Shabbat, kashrut and conversion were all made easier. As for the laws of taharat ha-mishpacha (family purity), in many circles outside Orthodoxy they fell into abeyance altogether. The assumption was that the less demanding Judaism is to keep, the more Jews will stay Jewish.

To show that this is a fallacy, I once asked a mixed group of observant and non-observant Jews to list the festivals in order of difficulty. Everyone agreed that Pesach was the hardest, Shavuot the easiest, and Sukkot somewhere in between. I then asked, which festivals are kept by the greatest number of Jews. Again, everyone agreed: Pesach was kept by most, Shavuot by the least, with Sukkot in between. There was a pause as the group slowly realized what it had just said. It was counterintuitive but undeniable: the harder a festival is, the more people will keep it. The proof is Yom Kippur, by far the most demanding day of all, and by far the best attended in synagogue.”

In essence Rabbi Sacks was saying in order for us to foster the next generation of Jews who are engaged in Judaism we should not be lowering the standards at all! All that does is dilute things and cause more apathy. Rather we should be looking for ways to teach, explain and inspire about the depth of Judaism.

On Shavuot we read the book of Ruth which tells the story of Ruth a non-Jew accepting the God of the Jews as her God and the Jewish people as her own. She says the famous words “Where you go I will go, and where you stay I will stay. Your people will be my people and your God my God. Where you die I will die, and there I will be buried.”

Ruth is the quintessential convert to Judaism and her inspiring words are the basis for the intricate halakhot of conversion that a person must totally accept the yoke of heaven. She is an inspiration to aspiring Jews and Jewish-born people alike. She embodies the lesson that Judaism isn’t a series of half measures and quaint customs but something, rather it is part of our very essence and being.

There are several reasons why we read the book of Ruth on Shavuot – both Shavuot and the book of Ruth take place in the harvest time, King David who is the great grandson of Ruth died on Shavuot. But I think there is a much more powerful reason and that is on Shavuot we affirm and commit ourselves to the Torah, an act which our ancestors did 3300 years ago at Mount Sinai. Ruth, as the righteous convert, totally accepts the Torah too, showing us, whether we are born to Judaism or we choose Judaism it is something that we must strive to do wholeheartedly.